Forgiving the Unforgivable: Is it even possible?

FORGIVING THE UNFORGIVABLE: IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE?

No human has ever walked out their life on this earth and managed to escape being deeply wounded. Each of us are guilty of wounding others as well - no matter how good and kind we have tried to live our lives. Most of us find the strength to get up in the mornings and go through our days without others seeing the deep pain we carry mentally, emotionally and physically. Many become quite efficient at hiding our scars. We “manage” life but in the depths of our souls we walk with a limp spiritually, mentally and emotionally, crippled by the traumas and hardships of abuse, betrayal and rejection. How is it even possible to forgive the perpetrators that have callously committed the unspeakable and left us with the shattered pieces of our lives? In excruciating pain and sorrow, our hearts and minds cry out from our pile of ashes, “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!” Our memories and nightmares steal our sleep and peace. Certain sites, smells or songs trigger buried fear and anger.

As a pastor’s wife, I counseled many women who had been raped as children or adults, betrayed and abandoned by their husbands, and so many other heart wrenching stories. How can a loving God allow these things to happen? How does a loving God expect us to do the impossible and forgive the unforgivable? After walking through a traumatic season of abuse and betrayal, I found myself unable to forgive. I would pray every day, “Lord, I forgive _____ for what he did. Help me to truly forgive.” But the truth was, I couldn’t. One particular day, when I was so weary of struggling with feelings of intense anger and hatred toward my perpetrator, I lifted my hands and yelled out to God, “Lord! I can’t forgive him for what he’s done! The truth is, I HATE this man! I hate him! I hate him with everything in me! Please, help me! Only by the power of your Holy Spirit can I forgive him. Tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it. Even if it means going to this man and offering forgiveness. I just want to be free from this unforgiveness, anger, hurt, and bitterness! I don’t want to be this person - angry and bitter! I will do whatever you ask of me but I’m asking you to please free me from my shackles and empower me to forgive him. When I have to be around this man or even when I think of him, I want to have nothing but Your love for him. And only You can do that in me, oh God.” In that moment, God showed up. I wept and wept as He cleansed my heart of the bitter pain and filled it with His healing love. I’m not going to lie…since that day, there have been days when something would trigger me and the temptation to take the bait and open the door of my heart and mind to the beasts of self-pity, anger and resentment was so luring (Gen.4:6-7). I knew I had to “choose life” by taking it to Jesus immediately and resisting the temptation to ‘go there’ with my thoughts. Every time I turn to the Lord in those moments of temptation, He is right there, ready and able to make a way of escape and keep my heart and mind in His peace and love. This is why we need the Holy Spirit. Only when we cling to Him, obey Him and look to Him to do the work in us, can we truly find freedom from deep hurt and offense. He did for me what I couldn’t do for myself…when I obeyed what (He knew) I was capable of doing by the power of His Spirit at work in me. For me, it was an impossible thing to master. Thank God, I didn’t have to master it, I just had to cry out to THE Master to set me free…and He did! Truth + Obedience = Revelation & Freedom! God will work His justice and vengeance belongs to Him. Our job is to forgive others and trust Him to be the Righteous Judge.

Oftentimes, for many people, the perpetrator hardest to forgive is the one looking back at us in the mirror. Especially when we’ve committed a “great offense”.  King David is a great example of a “Christian” who committed great sins against God and those he loved and should have protected (not stolen from, murdered, and cheated). Yet he found forgiveness, restoration, and even blessings when truly repentant before God. How much more do we, who are no longer under the old covenant, but the new covenant which Jesus Himself ratified by His own blood, find forgiveness for the “worst of offenses” when we come before God confessing and repenting of our sins. He has promised us that when we come to Him, confess our guilt, renounce our sinful ways, and ask forgiveness, we WILL find grace. His grace IS sufficient.

“In Him (Christ Jesus) we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence.”–Ephesians 1:7-8

“But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” 1 John 1:9

“If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.” -Psalm 130:3-4

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, no adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”-1 Corinth. 6:9-11

“Come now, and let us reason together,” says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” – Isaiah 1:18

“My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the Righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.” -1 John 2:1-2

Is there an unpardonable sin? Yes. Matthew 12:31 tells us of this sin: “And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.” If you have committed this sin, more than likely, you don’t even care to seek forgiveness. You experience no conviction of your sin. If you are experiencing the guilt, conviction and remorse for your sin, you have not committed the “unpardonable”. But beware - there is a hardening of heart that also comes with unforgiveness. Blatant, willful unforgiveness creates a hardness of heart as well and Jesus was clear, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15). [Read Jesus’ Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:21-35 for more on this.) If forgiveness seems impossible, it’s because it is in our own human strength. But the Lord makes it clear it is possible through Him. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13) “…With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) When the Lord requires something of us, He makes provision for us to do it. (Matthew 7:7-12; Ephesians 6:10-18; Romans 8:26-27.)

God is a forgiving God and He demands that we forgive just as He forgives – unconditionally. That includes forgiving ourselves. Forgiving others includes learning to forgive ourselves.

One of my favorite verses is found in Psalm 103:

David wrote,

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love…He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:8-12

“I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”; and You forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalm 32:5

King David understood what Paul understood of God’s mercy and grace:

“There is therefore NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” -Romans 8:1

In Acts 3:19, “Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord…”

So how can God forgive me when I am already a Christian and should have known better, but still sinned against God and others? God told us how:

“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; AND IF HE REPENTS, FORGIVE HIM. AND IF HE SINS AGAINST YOU SEVEN TIMES IN ONE DAY, AND SEVEN TIMES IN ONE DAY RETURNS TO YOU, SAYING, ‘I REPENT’, YOU SHALL FORGIVE HIM.”

That is the model Jesus gave us for repentance and forgiveness. “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are but dust.” (Ps. 103:13-14)

“I tell you, her sins – and they are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” -Luke 7:47

 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive, your Father will not forgive your sins.” -Matthew 6:14-15

God takes sin seriously. He also takes forgiveness seriously. Forgiveness of sin is such a big deal to God that He sent His only Son to shed His (innocent) blood that we ALL can receive forgiveness by God and offer forgiveness toward others and ourselves.

We must forgive others and ourselves in order to receive forgiveness from God. We cannot experience freedom from condemnation until we walk in forgiveness. Satan knows that as well. If Satan can convince us that our sin (or sin committed against us) is too great to forgive, he can hold us imprisoned to unforgiveness and condemnation, and keep us from walking in the freedom of Christ’s grace and mercy.

To put your sin (and the sins others have committed against you) in perspective, ask yourself this question: What sin has been committed (by you or against you) that is worse than the sin of those condemning Jesus Christ, the Son of God, to death by crucifixion on the cross (worst possible punishment) and the Romans who executed the sentence? We were among that number whenever we chose to rebel against God’s law. Yet Jesus said in the moment of His torture, condemnation, and crucifixion, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34).

Walking in forgiveness requires understanding our own offenses against a Holy, loving God and the power of God’s merciful act of forgiveness toward us.

“I, even I, am the One who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” – Isaiah 43:25

“God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to Him.” – 1 Peter 5:7

“…Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things you will have to do on your journey with Christ. Forgiving yourself can be the hardest of all. But forgiveness is necessary for salvation, growth and peace. We all make mistakes. We all sin. And we all intentionally choose the wrong way at times. These sinful choices have degrees of devastating results in our lives and the lives of those we love, but God’s love for us is overwhelming and covers a multitude of sin when we run to Him in repentance, willing to embrace the work of Christ (death, burial, and resurrection).

Final consideration:

God is gracious and willing to forgive but be not deceived, it is not something to be taken lightly. God sent His only Son to suffer horrifically and die that we may freely receive forgiveness of our sin. He loves you that much. “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23). He’s paid the penalty for your offense. Receive it today. And He would say to you what He said (in John 7:53-8:11) to the woman caught in adultery after forgiving her, “…go and sin no more.”

“Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!

Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt,

whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away,

And I groaned all day long.

Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.

My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.”

And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone!

Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,

That they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.

For You are my hiding place; You protect me from trouble.

You surround me with songs of victory.” -Psalm 32

“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.” -Pr.24:16